Partner Progress

Another year has ended, I'm 30 years old, and I am still alone.

Why? It's rather humiliating, absurd and not easy to talk about it. Everyone else in my social network has had several relationships or is settled with a house, marriage and kids. What seems like the most normal thing, is still my biggest challenge to even start with.

It's a good thing I can be independent and entertain myself easily, but I can feel like a lonely wolf or dragon. It seems easy at glance and like the most natural thing, so why do I struggle then? If I could sacrifice something for love then I would sometimes consider it, but afterwards I think that it would make me less as to what I am.

And yet, something needs to change in order for me to have a chance, but then, why does a man have to initiate? Why does he need to be romantic and play the "game", and have a personality? Is marriage useful? When is a woman romantic? And a thousand more questions I could generate when thinking about love...

Despite being social, being shy around women still happens, especially unknown beautiful ones. Despite tips from my friends and information plus advice found online, despite all of the exaggerated and normal romance scenes in movies, I still don't act with inspiration available.

The good news is that like last year during my vacation, I really tried again in 2018. I went on a speed date session and had a good evening, I followed a workshop and successfully greeted girls on the street, I went to a single pub quiz event and 2 events where singles gathered around the bar.

I even had 2 dates within my network, and those two became normal girlfriends. I went to numerous dance parties with groups and solo, and I am really glad that I am finally able to experience this with joy, as that took a long time to figure out. It's all about the music, the mood, the harmony and interaction!

Am I desperate, jealous and lonely? Of course I am, otherwise I would be lying to myself. Or perhaps I have had the worst amount of luck when it comes to finding love. I will keep trying, try to improve, try to achieve more happiness and without forcing it, wanting to know beautiful women better.

It's so unfortunate that I consider this my biggest weakness, and it feels so bad that I haven't experienced it yet, not even in my twenties, and that I am missing out, big time. It also feels like I am one of the few left in my country with this current state.

But everyone has their own problems. There are plenty of virtues in my life, and I am really glad for that. I will promise myself to try even harder in 2019, and finally have the courage to greet, flirt, woo and fall in love.