What Do I Fear, Part 2

Real Life edition.

This is a follow up towards https://flow-rush.blogspot.com/search?q=what+do+i+fear

I'm happy to announce that I do no longer fear roller coasters though :)

1)Hearing and Sight loss

My ears and eyes are not the best around. Especially with my ears, I have a long medical history, having had 6 operations for them, and now I have been wearing hearing aids for 1.5 years. Wearing lenses and glasses is what I have been doing since my late teens and early twenties.

Hearing loss is not often "heard" of, but my hearing care professional guaranteed me that it happens much more often than we think in society itself. I am thankfully glad that devices and tools exist to give me what normal humans would empirically experience, but I hope that nanotechnology can biologically enhance me in the future.

And I hope that further loss will not happen, not until at least when I hit, say, 80, when it's normal.

2)Forever Alone

This is a meme you can look up, but sometimes, it does feel that I will be forever alone, not in terms of family or friends, but in terms of finding a partner for love in general. My psychological fear of rejection and neglect from women is partly responsible.

But another part is that my self-esteem in regards to approaching women is a total loss. How is it possible that I can have great conversations with normal girlfriends from my buddies, female co-workers and family members, but definitely not so smoothly with beautiful unknown women?

Very rarely, I do approach them and say something, but holding the conversation, being romantic and hell being able to flirt is what alienates me, despite having read and seen countless of articles and examples.

Being fearful of being alone, missing out during my young hay days of satisfying relations and not living life to it's "fullest", which is subjective, makes me fearful of being forever alone, sometimes. Thankfully, moods change all the time, and there is enough distraction keeping me busy, and I have all other normal topics under control.

3)Parkinson's disease

This is a very scary disease in my opinion, with several symptoms happening, but the most fearful of them is that thinking and behavioral problems may occur, especially when memory loss is involved, short or long term.

The idea that I can forget certain joyful memories forever from my mind scares me sometimes even more than death itself(which I briefly talked about in the previous related blog post). What if I could not remember all of my traveling adventures I have done so far? I would go insane for that reason alone.

And what if you don't remember who your friends and family are, or their happiness and love they experience about you? The son of my step grandma had this disease, and I remember how his body was always shaking around the most.

The world can be such a scary place or thought. Horror is here to stay with humanity, in all of it's forms.