NEVER Watch these Movies

Today, I present to you, 3 of the worst movies I have seen yet, each of them differ greatly from each other, starting from best to worst. As the title says, I advise you to save your time and never watch these failures, as I took the principle of viewing them for the sake of reviewing and curiosity.

#728
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale(2007) 
Rating: 3.5

Way too melodramatic Uwe Boll! Jason Statham also was not suited as the main character for this medieval fantasy based movie in my opinion. Beware of many one-liners as well while this failing movie is filled with bad jokes, bad editing and bad characters. While at times it can look pretty, don’t be deceived by the content In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale provides. It’s like a beautiful graphical video game, without beautiful gameplay to accompany it. It also has a few similarities towards The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but I wasn’t bothered by that.

Some settings also looked silly, there were cheesy effects involved and the plot suffered because of the things listed. And oh man that twist at the middle of the film felt bad, about Farmer being the son of the king of Ehb. The only redeeming factor is watching how the choreography can get hilarious at times(which by the way, is vast in numbers), other than that, avoid Uwe Boll movies like the plague. And yet I watch this…perhaps to remind myself how a bad movie is like. 

 

#699 
Philosophy of a Knife(2008)
Rating: 3.5

Yeah, Men Behind the Sun(1988) is a better title than this mess. Based on a notorious Japanese experimental base unit during World War 2, Philosophy of a Knife is a way too long of a docu/mockumentary(you decide, it claims to be an artistic interpretation after all) to truly enjoy with all of it's content. I dislike it when a film has way too much music playing. The emphasis shouldn't be on that, not in such quantities. It kept changing from black and white background scenes, to an old Russian man, who supposedly experienced this notorious camp Unit 731, to fast images of randomness. And every 20 minutes or so, a horror scene would happen.

Well, the only noteworthy scene is the tooth pulling one, those who fear the dentist(including myself) should stay far away from this scene, because it kept going on and on. All the other things lacked impact for me. It was fake, it was over the top, it was wrongfully directed, etcetera. This is, in actual sense, a waste of a movie. Purely an opinion. "The true history", hah! What a joke. 

For the "best scene" this ridiculous and pointless movie has to offer, click on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or_nPc5RzQc

#726
Star Quest: The Odyssey(2009)
Rating: 2.5

Don't be deceived by the poster, because that is the prettiest thing it has to offer.

So many close up scenes with bad camera movement, ripped of characters from an obvious franchise, a ridiculous narrator and senseless plot, illogical things happening even for a sci-fi (the stars move around the spaceship...) and wooden acting. Space Quest: The Odyssey is my current fix of looking for a "so bad it's good" kind of movie, but unfortunately it isn't as funny as some horrible movies I have seen already. The settings as well as the costumes are cheap, the music does not go in harmony with this pile of junk and there is no actual sense of a huge war happening. The computer voices fail, the "action" scenes are poor, the special effects are cheap and the lore provided is nothing new at all and ridiculously bad.

The editing was amateur, plot explanation scenes looked like cheap commercials for alienating customers and viewing the spaceship gets rehashed. It’s at times like this, especially when randomly switching from the “story” to a lifeless planet or a solo crappy spaceship in space and quickly switching back, where I want to ask what the director was thinking. All I wanted to do with this was to laugh out loud, but I could only laugh while acknowledging it’s a “so bad it’s bad” movie. Sarcastic laughing at its finest. IMDb’s misguiding and embarrassing summary on this could not be even more far-fetched from what it truly is, a total piece of failure.